-This is My Suicide-

I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real The needle tears a hole The old familiar sting I try to kill it all away But I remember everything What have I become My sweetest friend? Everyone I know Goes away in the end You could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt I wear this crown of shit Upon my liar's chair Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair Beneath the stains of time The feelings disappear You are someone else I am still right here What have I become My sweetest friend? Everyone I know Goes away in the end You could have it all My empire of dirt I will let you down I will make you hurt If I could start again A million miles away I would keep myself I would find a way.

I still dunno what to do with myself I feel so empty and hollow Surrounded by sorrow A walking corpse I try to be better but I stumble and fall so many times that I'm so tired and I don't wanna fall no more I'm giving up Darkness fills me I dunno how to behave in front of people I'm so used to being alone Talking to myself and objects And people in my imagination In my imaginary world Some people think I can talk to spirits Cuz I tend to express with my face when I talk in my head Maybe I'm better off alone Sinking deeper into my depression Of coarse I don't show it to others I automatically put a mask on when I meet others It's so natural to me I wonder if they would be surprised If I were to take my own life or would they even care I wonder how many people would attend my funeral I don't have many friends after all Only a handful really know me *sign*

I never thought I would see a day of in you 2010 To begin your year I have been falling deeper into darkness I haven't prayed or read the word or gone to any church events for a month I'm so tired and I have gave up on myself I wish I had an addiction or was abused so I can blame those things for how screwed up I am everything that will ruin me attracts me the darkness is in me and it's hard to part I look at junkies and juveniles and can't help but have a feeling to join them I am hollow I do not have anything else besides the darkness within me that swallows me whole I have pain, emptiness and a heavy weight on my chest It makes it harder to breathe I have a deep desire to do something destructive I just can't seem to gather all my rambling thoughts together now The heavy weight on my chest is making me feel pointless and I can't seem to express things properly in words I suck at expressing things in words To be continued.....