-This is My Suicide-

I'm tired of holding on Life is hard I just wanna give up I'm sorry That I keep hurting others I wish I was gone and everything would stop I need an instant solution But I know that's impossible How long I can I take this? I can't keep trying to fix it slowly I'm already losing my mind I just feel like screaming and crying Then rip out my heart I wish I didn't have emotions God why did I have to live Thank you for all you've done But I can't handle it anymore I.... want to quit

You try to change me To tear away my beliefs I am who i am Why does that bug you? You're never happy with wat i do I'm never good enough for you I try to be the person u want me to be You're finally happy with me At what cost? My face tired from the fake smile i wear Tears yearn to pour from my deadened eyes My soul ripped and worthless The cuts are the only visible pain But you'll never see, you're too blind too see Blinded by your own happiness I'm torn, what should i do? Please you, and whither up inside? Or be myself, and disappoint you? Neither will bring joy or happiness to me Only one choice left There is no other way This... This is my suicide!

It's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye, It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry. It's funny how forever never seems to really last. It's funny how much you'd lose if you forget about the past. It's funny how friends can just leave you when your down. It's funny how when you need someone they're never around. It's funny how people change and think they're so much better. It's funny how many lies can be packed in one "love letter". It's funny how people forgive even though they can't forget. It's funny how one day can contain so much regret. It's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all is that none of that is funny to me.

It's always my fault I'm pathetic and useless but even if it wasn't it somehow still is why can't you see it's also your fault too why are you always so rude why are you so bitchy and you act to great and nice else where when in fact your such a diva at home i hate having to live with you it's so painful and frustrating the words you say you don't know how i feel yet you accuse me still

i'm still thinking about dropping out of school should have dropped out 2 years ago i feel vey alone, but then i do better alone i'm nuerotic i'm different from everybody at achool i dun fit in with society i'm not accepted kinda crappy being by myself but its ok it;s crappyer being in school and having to do so many things it sucks that we have make something out of ourselves it sucks that we have to do better to have a better future it sucks that we have to do anything at all i feel like crying when i;m in school but sometimes the tears wont appear i cry inside just thinking about it makes me cry but it's not so bad, i can handle my crying better now when i was in form 1-2 i'd cry almost every night cry myself to sleep i just really wanna scream and wish i was invincible i wish they let me be and let me rot on my own screw up my own life with my own hands i wonder if i can last till SPM i;m breaking down and going insane already i can...