Skip to main content

Argh!

i'm still thinking about dropping out of school
should have dropped out 2 years ago
i feel vey alone, but then i do better alone
i'm nuerotic
i'm different from everybody at achool
i dun fit in with society
i'm not accepted
kinda crappy being by myself
but its ok
it;s crappyer being in school
and having to do so many things
it sucks that we have make something out of ourselves
it sucks that we have to do better to have a better future
it sucks that we have to do anything at all
i feel like crying when i;m in school but sometimes the tears wont appear
i cry inside
just thinking about it makes me cry
but it's not so bad, i can handle my crying better now
when i was in form 1-2 i'd cry almost every night
cry myself to sleep
i just really wanna scream
and wish i was invincible
i wish they let me be and let me rot on my own
screw up my own life with my own hands
i wonder if i can last till SPM
i;m breaking down and going insane already
i can;t study or get myself to do any homework
just wanna drive my head to the window or the mirror

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Well, Hello again....

It's been years since I wrote anything. I decided to stop writing because I didn't want to have to rethink the thoughts and go through all the emotion again. Lately my psychologist suggested that I should start writing again. So here I am. Short summary of what happened: I finished Secondary school, I'm glad I left and it's over. It was very hard for me there, even when I got diagnosed some teachers taught I could one day just get over my depression. Here I am, 21, in college, still suicidal, still need to take regular anti-depressants and mood stabilisers. However I think I'm the most "stable" condition I've ever been. I like college but I do struggle in coping, unfortunately more than others. Also I have problems looking for interest. My psychiatrist and psychologist both said it's best if I have hobbies. It's hard because I stared getting depressed slowly when I was 9 and slowly lost interest in many thing. I've only been fixated ab...

Feelings

Emotions, I sometimes wish i never had them so uncontrollable so destructible You're not here I try hard to let go You're burned in my memory I can never forget your smile your laugh the times spent together but all this I have kept to myself for I know you can never feel the same way about me For my feelings for you is not natural is not right in society is not accepted and for a fact that you are not like me a sinner by existence You can never feel the same way i do For you are normal and I am not I miss you so I feel so torn thinking about you I know we can never be I know it stupid to even dream I want to forget you but i can't I cherish the time we spent together even if i could never express myself and show you my real feelings because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we already have Your beautiful and strong I need you but I can never tell you Now that you're far away I feel more and more broken inside I wanna hold you and touch your face My heart screams...

Papa Roach - Lifeline

When I was a boy I didn't care about a thing It was me and this world and a broken dream I was blaming myself For all that was going wrong I was way out there On the wrong side of town And the ones that I loved I started pushing them out Then I realized That it was all my fault I've been looking for a lifeline For what seems like a lifetime I'm drowning in the pain Breaking down again Looking for a lifeline So I put out my hand And I asked for some help We tore down the walls I built around myself I was struck by the light And I fell to the ground I've been looking for a lifeline For what seems like a lifetime I'm drowning in the pain Breaking down again Looking for a lifeline Is there anybody out there? Can you pull me from this ocean of despair? I'm drowning in the pain Breaking down again Looking for a lifeline You know a heart of gold Wont take you all the way And in a world so cold Its hard to keep the faith I'm never gonna fade away! Yeah! I've bee...