Skip to main content

Feelings

Emotions,
I sometimes wish i never had them
so uncontrollable
so destructible
You're not here
I try hard to let go
You're burned in my memory
I can never forget your smile
your laugh
the times spent together
but all this I have kept to myself
for I know you can never feel the same
way about me
For my feelings for you
is not natural
is not right in society
is not accepted
and for a fact that you are not like me
a sinner by existence
You can never feel the same way i do
For you are normal and I am not
I miss you so
I feel so torn thinking about you
I know we can never be
I know it stupid to even dream
I want to forget you
but i can't
I cherish the time we spent together
even if i could never express myself
and show you my real feelings
because I didn't want to ruin the friendship
we already have
Your beautiful and strong
I need you
but I can never tell you
Now that you're far away
I feel more and more broken inside
I wanna hold you and touch your face
My heart screams for you
I wish I never had emotions
Then I wouldn't be so hurt right now
I'm not normal
I've begin to accept that now
I'm not afraid of it now
But I can't deny being this way
hurts
because I can never be true
in society
in school
in church
to my family
among friends
and if they all knew
they would leave me
Then I would be more alone
than I am now
I still feel alone
but at least i can fake a smile
put on a poker face
for them and pretend like they are
real and that they know me
at least it's better than
nothing
At least I have something even if it's fake
Rather than this emptiness I feel
I hope one day,
Another abnormal
can set me free....

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Well, Hello again....

It's been years since I wrote anything. I decided to stop writing because I didn't want to have to rethink the thoughts and go through all the emotion again. Lately my psychologist suggested that I should start writing again. So here I am. Short summary of what happened: I finished Secondary school, I'm glad I left and it's over. It was very hard for me there, even when I got diagnosed some teachers taught I could one day just get over my depression. Here I am, 21, in college, still suicidal, still need to take regular anti-depressants and mood stabilisers. However I think I'm the most "stable" condition I've ever been. I like college but I do struggle in coping, unfortunately more than others. Also I have problems looking for interest. My psychiatrist and psychologist both said it's best if I have hobbies. It's hard because I stared getting depressed slowly when I was 9 and slowly lost interest in many thing. I've only been fixated ab...
Post a Comment
Previous Entries

Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

I'm staring at a broken door There's nothing left here anymore My room is cold It's making me insane I've been waiting here so long But now the moment seems to've come, I see the dark clouds coming up again. Running through the monsoon Beyond the world, To the end of time, Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm, Into the blue, And when I lose myself I think of you, Together we'll be running somewhere new Through the monsoon. Just me and you A half moon's fading from my sight I see a vision in its light But now it's gone and left me so alone I know I have to find you now Can hear your name, I don't know how Why can't we make this darkness feel like home? Running through the monsoon Beyond the world To the end of time Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm Into the blue And when I lose myself I think of you Together we'll be running somewhere new And nothing can hold me back from you Through the monsoon Hey! Hey! I'm fig...
Post a Comment
Previous Entries