-This is My Suicide-

Urgh it's so messed up How often do I keep coming close to breaking? Every sem. Am I even doing this right and I'm to far gone to turn back Too far gone to just stop and try something else why does everything always seem so difficult for me I wanna cry but it never changes anything I always want to run away always ready to just jump into a hole and pretend that I dont exist I feel incompetant..... I just want to bash my head in and squash my brains Only thing I'll ever have is envy Pure envy..... Of top students, bright personalities, talents, list goes on I sit and watch in envy while on the inside I'm hollow with self hatred I am angry with myself for being so useless and pathetic but I don't know what to do with myself how do I become better that myself? how do I upgrade myself? my intellect? my time organization? my interest? while all I am is hitting agaisnt the wall and not knowing what else to do and just keep of banging hoping it would b...

I feel stuck, in writing; especially assignments. Makes me feel so unintelligent and incapable of college task. Which makes me wonder how I am to be do work in the professional field. I strive to increase my intelligence. I can't get ideas flowing, yet non-sensible and daily thoughts are overwhelming. None of it helpful with my writing task.  Wreck my brain. Please. There must be something of use...... Yet I feel lost, even after 3 years. Mostly I'm not sure what I'm doing or I'm constantly forgetting things Can I become a useful being?

With the constant Throwbacks, it makes me wonder what I've done in a year or longer. Not much. I'm mostly the same. I'm not proud of myself. I'm wasting time. Not much memories. Everyday is pretty much the same; for a long time.