-This is My Suicide-

I admit, I was teary eyed watching the video because it's so true, everyone of them.

Someone I knew wrote "I promised myself and my son that I wouldn't try to kill myself again, but it doesn't mean I've stopped thinking of death." I think it's been maybe 5 years since my attempted suicide. I still think about methods of suicide and wanting to die. There is a longing for self-harm. I miss it dearly. I think about death all the time. I've not been enjoying life really. Living is a burden. Daily life is a burden. Life is difficult. Wouldn't it be nice to leave it all. Just fuck this shit, I've had it and go. No longer having to figure out how to live. No responsibilities, suffering, illness. No dealing with people, situations,  everything.

anxiety-depression illustrations comics by sow-ay

Coming towards the end of my studies, I still think about ending my life. I feel like I've never really enjoyed living and I can't wait for it to end. That's my deepest, darkest wish. To die soon. I'm not looking forward to the next stage of life. I'm not looking forward to dealing with people, in fact I don't like dealing with people. I miss and crave cutting. I long to cut so badly, especially when I see something sharp.  I really want my arms to be covered in cuts, bleeding. Running my hands over the scars. The brief pain that is so satisfing. The act of carving the blade into my skin.