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Well, Hello again....

It's been years since I wrote anything. I decided to stop writing because I didn't want to have to rethink the thoughts and go through all the emotion again. Lately my psychologist suggested that I should start writing again. So here I am. Short summary of what happened: I finished Secondary school, I'm glad I left and it's over. It was very hard for me there, even when I got diagnosed some teachers taught I could one day just get over my depression. Here I am, 21, in college, still suicidal, still need to take regular anti-depressants and mood stabilisers. However I think I'm the most "stable" condition I've ever been. I like college but I do struggle in coping, unfortunately more than others. Also I have problems looking for interest. My psychiatrist and psychologist both said it's best if I have hobbies. It's hard because I stared getting depressed slowly when I was 9 and slowly lost interest in many thing. I've only been fixated ab...
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Feelings

Emotions, I sometimes wish i never had them so uncontrollable so destructible You're not here I try hard to let go You're burned in my memory I can never forget your smile your laugh the times spent together but all this I have kept to myself for I know you can never feel the same way about me For my feelings for you is not natural is not right in society is not accepted and for a fact that you are not like me a sinner by existence You can never feel the same way i do For you are normal and I am not I miss you so I feel so torn thinking about you I know we can never be I know it stupid to even dream I want to forget you but i can't I cherish the time we spent together even if i could never express myself and show you my real feelings because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we already have Your beautiful and strong I need you but I can never tell you Now that you're far away I feel more and more broken inside I wanna hold you and touch your face My heart screams...
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Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

I'm staring at a broken door There's nothing left here anymore My room is cold It's making me insane I've been waiting here so long But now the moment seems to've come, I see the dark clouds coming up again. Running through the monsoon Beyond the world, To the end of time, Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm, Into the blue, And when I lose myself I think of you, Together we'll be running somewhere new Through the monsoon. Just me and you A half moon's fading from my sight I see a vision in its light But now it's gone and left me so alone I know I have to find you now Can hear your name, I don't know how Why can't we make this darkness feel like home? Running through the monsoon Beyond the world To the end of time Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm Into the blue And when I lose myself I think of you Together we'll be running somewhere new And nothing can hold me back from you Through the monsoon Hey! Hey! I'm fig...
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