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Not holding on very well

Yes I'm still struggling
Yes I'm still hurting
Yes I'm still depressed
and Yes I'm still stressed
and Yes I still want everything to end

Last Friday,
I was emo for that week
So after CG, which I did enjoy
I went over to my godfathers house
To watch some shows to try and
cheer myself up and it did
but as usual it was only temporary

So after my goddaddy sent me home,
at around 2 almost 3 am
I wash up and waited for my sister
to fall asleep
As soon as she did
I went to the kitchen cabinet
ate my daily meds
and I took the brand new strip of
Panadol CF (cold & flu)
went back to bed and slowly,
crying and emotionally
consumed each tablet
pill after pill,
I took 10 pills that night
and I could sorta taste it
along my esophagus
I apologized to the Lord
for being such a weakling
and that I had enough of life
Then I closed my eyes and slept
Hoping to die....

But as you can tell
I didn't
I woke up the next morning
and I was like,
I'm still alive.... It didn't work
But I did feel a little sickly
and like was gonna gag
I was upset that I didn't die
So I was emo for the weekend
But I couldn't stand not telling anyone
So I eventually told my godpapa
Who ensure that he'd try make me happier
the next time
Great guy
So Tues I told my doc
and he did a blood test
Don't know the results yet
But I think I'm fine
He took me off my sleeping drug
which my body was already used to
So that night I couldn't sleep well
I keep waking up
It was like I had no peace
and that every position I turned to felt
so uncomfortable and I was sweating
So i ditched school cuz i was too tired
and then I slept for 3 hours maybe
then i woke up 8ish
went to the hospital to wait for hours
to take my meds from the pharmacy
like usual, loads of people and slow services
then at night I was soo tired and I taught
I could finally sleep in peace
but no matter how tired i was
I just couldn't sleep
So I watched Halloween Town
and part of Shanghai Knights
before I could get some shut eye
But still the sleep wasn't peaceful
And right now I'm soo tired
and I just really wanna sleep
But I can't....
I'll try again right after this
Would just love to take the
sleeping drug right now....

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