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The Sad Truth

I've been reading this book "The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide" by Ted Zeff, PH.D.

I've found out more about myself as a HSP
From Chapter 6: Harmonious Relationships for the HSP,
- Forgiveness: The Key to Inner Peace

"Sometimes HSPs who have been shamed as children don't want to let go of their emotional
pain because they have become so attached and used to it. Remember when your out of
balance, you tend to crave more emotional pain,......"

I finally understand why when I get better I almost don't want it. It's like I've grown attached to it and I feel like a part of me is missing. When I suppossedly feel better I still have suicidal toughts and I'm attracted to negative things like alcohol and wanting to abuse it. I just want to make myself worse and I want to cut myself again. I just feel somethings wrong since I've stopped cutting last Oct. Wonder how my family is gonna react when I hurt myself again when they all think I'm getting better.

Also in the same chapter
- Investigate your Thoughts

"Have you noticed that when you get upset, it is usually because your unwilling to accept
reality?"

That's when I realised.... It's true. I realise reality and I hate it and also the fact that I can't do anything to change it. I feel like all hope is gone. I really hate reality. I'd rather live in my own head away from reality and people. Now I'm thinking what's the point of me living on? It just gets depressing as it goes. When I'm confronted with the truth, the reality...... It comsumes me with sorrow. Life is hard, they call it life when it actually feels like death.

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