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When nothing works anymore

I don't feel better
Even if I do, it's only temporary
I've tried to kill myself
Strangely as I did, even though I was crying
It felt right, I was incredibly calm,
Almost happy in fact.

I never seen myself to have any worth
I don't see myself being happy again
I've only caused more pain being here
My sister says I don't bother to try anything
I've done enough trying, it only causes more pain
I feel lost mostly, I don't know what to do anymore
Just empty,
If you ask why didn't I ask for help,
Help doesn't make me feel better,
even if it did, it's only temporarily
I know you'd just laugh at my face right now
or want to slap me

"I can't do it so no point"
you say?
Weather I can or can not
It does not make me feel better
Maybe it does, but only for a while
I do not see any potential in my life
Even if I do get better from trying
I don't think it's good enough
You'll think all I care about is my feelings
Well, I have have a shit load of pain to deal
with, I'm so tired of it all
I don't want to fight anymore
I've had enough of it all

I blame depression for everything?
No, I blame myself
My very being
Pathetic excuse for living
People that succeeded failed before
This I know,
But I've had enough of failure
I've had enough of pain
Not to mention,
I don't have anything to drive me
When I do,
It last a week or less
Everyone is depressed
They never give up when times are hard?
I am tired of fighting, trying,
holding on, trying to be strong,
Things only get worse
You'll laugh I bet
I'm tired of waking up everyday
I'm tired of having things to do
Having people to please
having things to follow
Having feelings in fact
I'm sick of feeling
Now you want to slap me
Kill me instead

Everyone deserves to be happy?
I don't
After all these years,
I've finally figured it out
I don't deserve happiness
Nor do I deserve life
Why am I still here?
I don't want to be
Stop being nice to me
Stop trying to help me
Stop trying to remember me
I only cause more pain
My very existence
I'd rather not live
There more things you point out to me
the more it reminds me how pathetic
Idiotic, weak, emotional, useless
I am
The more I want to leave this place
I don't deserve life
I only cause more pain
I want to leave this place
So it will end more pain I'm going to cause
And the pain I've caused
I been hoping and praying
that you all will forget me
I wish I never existed
If I could erase myself from
your memory I would
You wont remember me
You wouldn't be crying right now
or feeling angry
I should suffer
I should be punished for
just being myself
I know I'm causing pain
Me being around will only cause more pain
Myself is causing pain to others
I've already caused pain
I don't want to cause more
I don't want to be around
I just want you all to forget
Forget me please
It will make things better

I don't want help anymore
I just want to be out of your lives
I would be less of a burden
You would have to care about me
Or worry or feel sad
Just forget about me
It will do you good

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