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Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia

I learned about this disorder in class on Monday. When I was reading the lecture slides on the symptoms, I was stunned. All of the symptoms summed up what I was going through all those years in Secondary school.

Finally, it makes sense. All the time in school, everyone thought I was either faking being unwell or that I had a really weak immune system. I really started believing that I was weak and maybe even slowly dying or degrading because of how often it happened. Even my parents didn't believe me because I was always okay when I was at home or outside of school. So in school for years, I'd often have what I just realised  as a "full blown panic attack".

I'm glad I don't panic so easily now. Could be because of my antidepressants and mood stabalisers. Or because I graduated and finally got the hell out of there. I never been in a situation where I was surrounded with that many people since school either. And I'm not terrified of my lecturers like I was of my teachers, which students made fun of me for. Knowing this doesn't change the fact that Secondary school was hell for me and I'm glad my time there is over. I want to forget most of it.

Here are the symptoms from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:
  • Palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Trembling or shaking
  • Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering
  • Feelings of choking
  • Chest pain or discomfort
  • Nausea or abdominal distress
  • Feeling dizzy, unsteady, light-headed, or faint
  • Chills or heat sensations
  • Paresthesia (numbness or tingling sensations)
  • Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
  • Fear of losing control or “going crazy”
  • Fear of dying
I had all the symptoms for 5 fucking years of Secondary school.

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