Skip to main content

Shoot my Brains out

I've been meaning to write this done for a long time but I keep getting distracted.
I'm having problems concentrating. My attention span is short.
That really sucks when you are trying to focus on a lecture or assignment.
I really want to shoot my brains out.
I feel like I can't max it out to the full capacity.
For, I think more than a year now my struggles in writing work is getting worse
I feel like the only effort I am capable of is just shitty effort
I sometimes read other students work when we are doing a group assignment
I'm always amazed by what they can do.
I guess one problem is that my mind is always summarized, straight to the point
everything ends up way to short or not enough when on paper
Now I'm concerned that I'm making myself suffer by continuing on
Maybe I should just give up and start from scratch else where

A new beginning......

but I'm probably going to face the same problem
my brain's gears aren't grinding
I don't feel productive
I feel like other than my own random thoughts my brain is pretty blank
That's how I feel whenever we are given work and when I need to start doing something
It's just blank
Now I really seem like a really lazy student who really doesn't care about the subject
just handing crappy work to get minimal grades

Thank god guns are not so easily purchased here
because I can't stop fantasizing about blowing my brain

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Well, Hello again....

It's been years since I wrote anything. I decided to stop writing because I didn't want to have to rethink the thoughts and go through all the emotion again. Lately my psychologist suggested that I should start writing again. So here I am. Short summary of what happened: I finished Secondary school, I'm glad I left and it's over. It was very hard for me there, even when I got diagnosed some teachers taught I could one day just get over my depression. Here I am, 21, in college, still suicidal, still need to take regular anti-depressants and mood stabilisers. However I think I'm the most "stable" condition I've ever been. I like college but I do struggle in coping, unfortunately more than others. Also I have problems looking for interest. My psychiatrist and psychologist both said it's best if I have hobbies. It's hard because I stared getting depressed slowly when I was 9 and slowly lost interest in many thing. I've only been fixated ab...
Post a Comment
Previous Entries

Feelings

Emotions, I sometimes wish i never had them so uncontrollable so destructible You're not here I try hard to let go You're burned in my memory I can never forget your smile your laugh the times spent together but all this I have kept to myself for I know you can never feel the same way about me For my feelings for you is not natural is not right in society is not accepted and for a fact that you are not like me a sinner by existence You can never feel the same way i do For you are normal and I am not I miss you so I feel so torn thinking about you I know we can never be I know it stupid to even dream I want to forget you but i can't I cherish the time we spent together even if i could never express myself and show you my real feelings because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we already have Your beautiful and strong I need you but I can never tell you Now that you're far away I feel more and more broken inside I wanna hold you and touch your face My heart screams...
Post a Comment
Previous Entries

Tokio Hotel - Monsoon

I'm staring at a broken door There's nothing left here anymore My room is cold It's making me insane I've been waiting here so long But now the moment seems to've come, I see the dark clouds coming up again. Running through the monsoon Beyond the world, To the end of time, Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm, Into the blue, And when I lose myself I think of you, Together we'll be running somewhere new Through the monsoon. Just me and you A half moon's fading from my sight I see a vision in its light But now it's gone and left me so alone I know I have to find you now Can hear your name, I don't know how Why can't we make this darkness feel like home? Running through the monsoon Beyond the world To the end of time Where the rain won't hurt Fighting the storm Into the blue And when I lose myself I think of you Together we'll be running somewhere new And nothing can hold me back from you Through the monsoon Hey! Hey! I'm fig...
Post a Comment
Previous Entries