Feelings

Emotions,
I sometimes wish i never had them
so uncontrollable
so destructible
You're not here
I try hard to let go
You're burned in my memory
I can never forget your smile
your laugh
the times spent together
but all this I have kept to myself
for I know you can never feel the same
way about me
For my feelings for you
is not natural
is not right in society
is not accepted
and for a fact that you are not like me
a sinner by existence
You can never feel the same way i do
For you are normal and I am not
I miss you so
I feel so torn thinking about you
I know we can never be
I know it stupid to even dream
I want to forget you
but i can't
I cherish the time we spent together
even if i could never express myself
and show you my real feelings
because I didn't want to ruin the friendship
we already have
Your beautiful and strong
I need you
but I can never tell you
Now that you're far away
I feel more and more broken inside
I wanna hold you and touch your face
My heart screams for you
I wish I never had emotions
Then I wouldn't be so hurt right now
I'm not normal
I've begin to accept that now
I'm not afraid of it now
But I can't deny being this way
hurts
because I can never be true
in society
in school
in church
to my family
among friends
and if they all knew
they would leave me
Then I would be more alone
than I am now
I still feel alone
but at least i can fake a smile
put on a poker face
for them and pretend like they are
real and that they know me
at least it's better than
nothing
At least I have something even if it's fake
Rather than this emptiness I feel
I hope one day,
Another abnormal
can set me free....