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2010

I never thought I would see a day of in you 2010
To begin your year I have been falling deeper into darkness
I haven't prayed or read the word or gone to any church events for a month
I'm so tired and I have gave up on myself
I wish I had an addiction or was abused so I can blame those things
for how screwed up I am
everything that will ruin me attracts me
the darkness is in me and it's hard to part
I look at junkies and juveniles and can't help but have a feeling to join them
I am hollow
I do not have anything else besides the darkness within me that swallows me whole
I have pain, emptiness and a heavy weight on my chest
It makes it harder to breathe
I have a deep desire to do something destructive

I just can't seem to gather all my rambling thoughts together now
The heavy weight on my chest is making me feel pointless
and I can't seem to express things properly in words
I suck at expressing things in words

To be continued.....

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